Wish it was me

I look at you from afar as you talk
Heart skips a beat when you raise your eyes my way
I wish our eyes met and you read what mine say
A thought, that occurred a thousand times before

I look at you from afar sitting relaxed
Makes me restless as you move and adjust in that chair
I wish I was there and you cuddled me in your arms
Something I imagined a thousand times before

I look at you from afar as you stroke your chin
Something melts inside as you wave your hand and smile
I wish I could hold those hands and your fingers entwined mine
A picture, repeated in mind a thousand times before

I look at you from afar as you’re lost in thoughts
I wish it was me filled in your musings
I wish it was me in that heart of yours
Something I dreamt a million times before

I close my eyes to seal these thoughts and imaginations
Our eyes meet and mine twinkle as you take me into your arms
You pull my hair back and hold my face in your hands
while your gentle smile tickles my heart, you lean towards me

I open my eyes and come back to reality
Standing amidst the scattered thoughts and shattered dreams
Broken pieces of the imaginations fly in the air
Knowing he is oblivion to all these, I look at him from afar as vision blurred with tears

Leave me be

Toughest suit of armour, high and strong is the fence
That I build around my heart
Arduous struggles, uphill battles, fights very intense
None can take my defence apart

Who’d have thought, it is not the hardest that cuts through the mettle
But the gentlest kind, that shakes the ground beneath
One sweet smile, one loving glance and one kind word cause to unsettle
That warm embrace with his arms around takes away the breath

The suit of armour crumbles down, the solid fence melts to ash
I stand naked and exposed, trying in vain to stop the breakage
Wish we’d been strangers, arrows pierce through the bones tearing the flesh
Unconditionally, I surrender my entirety as you take me hostage

When we share, you are kind. You heal and comfort beyond compare
It hurts deep inside, pain seeps through every cell when you are not returned
O love! you leave me be. Shattered pieces of my broken soul everywhere
I want to go back to my cocoon please, until the remnants of me, disintegrated

To be Me

Countless memories, incredible experiences
Yet, on reflection, life is stuck on those few instances!
Like a fluttering kite caught in the branches
Torn and scarred, I fight in vain for my release

Failing to detach from those certain moments deeply entwined
Allowing helplessly as they gradually transform identity
I lose myself a little each passing day leaving empty spaces inside
Struggling to live while dying inside, I stare into the vacuum of life

‘I’ve lost myself; It is not me anymore’, squeezing the voice that keeps screaming
The memories are pushed harder in to the depths of the heart
Bright summer day, a light drizzle, a chilly autumn wind or a sweet smelling spring
They surface back ruthlessly, tearing the layers apart

The life is, but impact of those very moments
Living has been long forgotten; just surviving the aftermath
The person that I am, is whatever left of me after
With no winner but only a fighter, it is a constant battle to be free. To be me.

Thinking of You

Stars, shining down the dark, silent sky, the cold breeze whispering with the trees
Looking outside, feels as if I am the only one awake when the whole world is asleep
I can’t stop thinking of you; I don’t remember when did I drift off
But for sure I can tell the last thing I remember is – I was talking to you

I wake up in middle of the night out of a bad dream
Panting and trembling, I can listen to my heartbeat
cuddling the pillows beside, I wish you were here to hold me tight and make me sleep
Weary and lonely, I try to fall asleep fighting with you for not being with me

Breaking the dark, the sun rises slowly from the horizon
Eyes are closed but I am awake. I start my day wishing you –
A beautiful day ahead. Everything is so mechanical
but every moment I feel your presence around me in everything I do

You are my strength, nothing to worry about with you beside me
you are my weakness and it feels good too
I never try to escape from your thoughts, because I know I will fail
every time I want to see you, I look nowhere, but my heart